月末6月27日に本のイベントをすることになっている。2015年9月からかれこれ1年半強もかかって2か月前の4月28日にお披露目にこぎつけた、EDAYA初のアートブックに関してのイベントだ。

 

最終的に本は日本語で出すことを決めたから、文章は全部私が書いた。うまくもない文章だけれど、それは分かってるけれど、それでも伝えたいことをどう伝えたいか必死で考えた。文章へのこだわりが強すぎることも、当たり前だけれど、自分のことだから、よくわかってた。だったら、さっさと頭を空にして、とにかく文章を書き続ければいいじゃないかと何度も思った。制作中の1年半強は、他のEDAYAのプロジェクトでも結構忙しくて、本の制作がなかなか進まないことが、常に無言のプレッシャーとして横たわってもいた。だから、焦って焦って、それでもせめて自分では満足いくものを出したいと、自分の中で色んな気持ちが交錯する中を進めていった。

今回の本は自主出版でもあるし、最終的にデザインを優先させる形で、ISBNや書店コードもとってはいるけれど、バーコードの印刷はしないことを決めたこともあって、いわゆる書店でよく見かける本という感じではない。当然、たくさん部数を刷ることもできなかったし、そして、そんなに簡単に売れていくわけでもない。だから、まわりの知っている社会起業家の方や活動家の方が、本を出して、書店で大規模に売ったり、アマゾンでランキング入りました、みたいな投稿を見ては、やっぱり最初から出版社を探して売り込んでから作った方がよかったのかな、と思ってしまったりする気持ちもある。というか、そもそも、やっぱり私なんかが本かいても意味なかったかなと思ってしまったりもする、超ネガティブもいないわけじゃない。やっぱり私は根本的な所で、人と比べてしまうし、自分に自信があるようでいて、自信がない。

それはさておき、本のお披露目をした時、自分のやりたいようにしたかった、ありのままを書きたかった、嘘ではない真実だけを書きたかったら、出版社を通さなかったといったのだけれど、半分は本当で、半分は本当じゃないのかも。私もできることなら、出版社から本を出してみることもしてみたかったし、書店に置いてもらって、今まで私のことやEDAYAのことを知りえなかった人にも、本を届けてみたかった、というもの半分は真実だ。でもそうすると、やっぱりどこかで、読み手が読みたい内容に編集されていくということには、妥協をしなくてはいけなかったはずで、それについてはやっぱり今もあまり肯定的な気持ちはない。けれど、やっぱりなぁ、色々考えてしまう。

でも?だからこそ?私が本を届ける機会に恵まれた人(つまり本を購入下さった方であったり、企画の段階からクラウドファンディングで応援してくださった方、あるいは今回のイベントに来てくださる方もそうかもしれない)には、できるだけの誠意をこめて、感謝を伝えたい。こんな私の自己満足のような本を手にしてくださって、本当にありがとうございます、と。あと、たまに本の感想を送ってくださる方がいるのだけれど、本に関して私が唯一自己肯定できる理由が、そういった方々のあたたかい言葉だったりする。私は、この本が、読む人の背中を押すような、そこから新たな世界が広がっていくきっかけになればと思っているのだけれど、それを確かめることができるから。

6月27日のイベント、少人数のイベントだけれど、参加するひとりひとりが、何か新たな発見や気づきを持ち帰ってくれる、そんな時間になるといいな。対談の相手は、EDAYAとこんな私をなぜかずーっと見放さず、つかず離れずの関係を保ちながら、いてくださっているプロボノの稲葉さん。きっと和やかな時間になるんじゃないかなと思います。よかったら、きてください。

■ イベント概要
【日時】
2017年6月 27 日(火)
19時00分~21 時00分 (18時45分開場)

【場所】
ソーシャルビジネスラボ3階
(東京都中央区日本橋蛎殻町1-21-6 3F)
https://ethical-payfoward.jp/access/

【チケット】
500円

【席数】
12席

【申込】Facebookのイベントページで参加ボタンを押していただくか、info@edaya-arts.comまでご連絡ください。

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