結局、どう見られているかを意識し始めると、私という人間は、弱いもので、書いている文章すら、なんだか違った雰囲気を帯びてくる。目的のために書いている文章もしかりだ。本を売りたい、商品を売りたい、イベントに来てほしい、写真を見てほしい、文章を読んでほしい、そんな気持ちが少しでもあると、私の文章はどうしたものか、報告的になり、面白みがなくなる。自分でもわかってるんだ。

だから、Facebookとかで、自分をさらけ出して、日常の気づきや自分の考え方を書いていたり、人の意見を尋ねたりしている人の投稿を見ては、嫉妬まではいかないものの、あー、これは私ができないことだ、と少し落胆するのだ。

このブログを書く時にきめたことがある。心が流れるスピードで文章を書いていこうと。誰かのための文章ではなく、自分を表現する文章を綴りたい。だから、そのつもりで、できるだけ心に浮かんだことをスケッチするように、むしろ瞬時に目の前の風景をキャプチャーする写真をとるような気持ちで、文章をかいているのだ。

本当の私に近い私が、欠片でも見え隠れできているのだとしたら、私のこの試みは成功だ。でもこのブログを、結局公開するということは、誰かの目に触れ、評価される可能性をはらむということ。それでも、もしその時までに、私が人の目を意識せずに、自分を出すことができるようになっていたとしたら、このブログの目的が自己矛盾となることはないだろう。

 

 

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  637. Akrilik Cami Halı Özellikleri Akrilik iplik sentetik ipliklerin en dayanıklısıdır. Yumuşak, hafif, göz dolduran yapısıyla yün halılara en çok benzeyen iplik türüdür. Hafiftir ve esneyebilir olmasıyla da yün cami halısına en yakın görünümü veren cami halısı çeşididir. Zemine dayanıklı ve uzun ömürlü olması da diğer artı bir özelliğidir.

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